Ek Virus Ki Mann Ki Baat

My Fellow World Population,

Since some of the powerful people in the world are writing letters, eulogizing their own achievements on the completion of one year of coming to power, I thought I should also write a letter. I know, I m a bit early, but then you know I spread faster than their lies and honestly after six months and 217+ countries I think I have achieved enough to celebrate a bit early.

Around this day in Dec 2019 began a golden chapter of my journey. It was after several decades that the people of the world got to face a pandemic of this magnitude.

Once again, I bow to the 750 crore people of the world and their collective stupidity. If the world would have been focusing on important things like technology, infrastructure and research related to healthcare, sharing of information, conserving ecosystem, investing in sanitation, then I would not have been in your midst. However, the present circumstances are different. So here I m, in the midst of all of you.  

Your focus on blaming each other, confused strategy of complete lock downs and sudden opening ups, complete unpreparedness to handle a pandemic, having megalomaniacs as head of states has given me new energy and inspiration. The way some of you have come up with innovative ideas to drive me away by lighting Diyas, Banging Thala, injecting disinfectants into human body, singing “Go Corona Go”  will remain the guiding light for the whole world.

My Fellow World Population,

In the last six months I have been able to bring down environmental pollution. The level of Nitrogen Dioxide has reduced by almost 40% in industrial areas of Asia & Europe. Due to my concerted effort you can see clearer blue sky, watch far away mountains from your terrace, breath fresh air and swim in clean rivers. Wild animals are roaming on the street and someone even shared a picture  of dinosaurs also coming back.  Noise pollution has gone down drastically, and the world is a better place to live in, I mean if you survive my onslaught.

My Fellow World Population,

I have also helped empower the poor. Even after almost seven decades of independence and sincere, well intentioned efforts by political leaders across party lines the poor people in countries like India were struggling for basic amenities. Thanks to me now they are Atmanirbhar.

Thanks to my Corona Corporate Samman Nidhi Yojana, world over organizations can get more work done incurring less cost. Several corporate friendly Concepts like “Furlough”, “Work From Home” hitherto implemented by large corporations for a select few are now common place. I have also ensured that now the line between personal and professional has been blurred completely and organizations have employees at their disposal 24*7.

We have broken record in terms of time taken to implement IT adaptation. What took Mark, Bill, so many CTOs and different political party IT heads years to drive, I could drive it in less than 6 months.

My “Swaccha Haath Yojana” has ensured that every individual across the globe will spend the entire year washing hands. Of course with job losses and lockdowns, they anyways don’t have much work to do.

Dear Friends,

At a time when there is  a widespread debate on how the economies of various countries will survive, I have helped various countries by boosting economy through production and selling of more masks, ventilators, PPE kits, sanitizers and disinfectants.

For sometime now United State has been boasting about its economic supremacy and its preparedness for all kinds of attacks including bio warfare. I have been able to expose their vulnerability, and this will help in bringing world peace. I strongly believe the jury must consider me for a Nobel for World Peace. China has been a hub for manufacturing both equipment and lies. With Corona Outbreak it has been exposed. The less I said about WHO, the better – they let the Corona out.

Thanks to me, there is a visible growth in entertainment industry. Before I assumed power stand up comedians used to entertain people, now state premiers do that, some prefer the morning slot, some the 8PM slot. I have also helped in driving innovation. In fact your respective HR teams across organizations are playing a big role in implementing it. I stand in awe when I look at their ability to innovate. In less than two months they could come up with concepts like Virtual Rangoli, Virtual Talent Show and Virtual connect, reconnect and irritate people till they leave you.

The world for so many years has been grappling to drive gender equality. In less than six months I have been able to implement it. Men, who refused to learn household chores for ages, have now become pro in it. There is significant fall in crime rate, fatalities on the road and suicide.

The list of such historic actions taken in World interest would be too long to detail in this letter.

Dear Friends,

I bow to your stupidity and ego once again. My writer has also written a Sanskrit Sloka. But then I m a Chinese virus. So I have deleted it. My heartfelt wishes to you and your family.

Stay Healthy… ROFL

Yours Covid19

Thappad

#Thappad : A good film asks questions, makes one introspect and challenges one to have conversation around the topic. In that sense Anubhav Sinha, post his comeback, is making one film after another, that are putting uncomfortable questions out in the open. If Mulk was about Islamophobia and Article 15 was about a deep-rooted caste system, his latest offering Thappad is about the privileges men enjoy in this country in the name of patriarchy.  

When was the last time we felt uncomfortable watching the female member in the family managing entire household as well as their career and yet being frowned upon for making the smallest mistakes , while the men  get away with everything by pretending to be busy with their career. When was the last time we felt guilty for raising our voices against the females in our home. That is how privileged we have been and that is how we have been brought up in a patriarchal society. And that is why Sinha’s Thappad makes us introspect. It may be “Just a Slap”. It may be inadvertent; it may be the first time, but none of us have any right to raise our hand. Sinha’s film is more about the entitled mindset that we, the Indian men possess than about domestic violence.

The writing is extremely smart and nuanced, probably the best in recent times. It brings out the male privilege and gender insensitivity beautifully without sounding shrill. Vikram, the night after slapping Amruta, comes  to her and tells her that he was stressed and then goes on to explain his problems in office , how he had worked hard and yet had been denied the opportunity he deserved. The conversations between Vikram and Amrita has been written beautifully. Vikram , while talking about his job, tells Amrita that he doesn’t want to stay and work in a place where he is not valued and how one must put his foot down in life and how he has invested so much in the job. And all this while he remains oblivious of the fact that Amrita is also going through the exact same emotion as far as their marriage is concerned. He thinks it was just a slap and he even tries to make up for it by taking her out for dinner and buying her gift. It goes to a point where one starts identifying with Vikram and even goes to the extent of believing that probably Amruta is stretching it too far. Because that’s what we have learnt while growing up. Because we have seen our mothers, grandmothers or sisters adjusting at every step and accepting the behaviours they shouldn’t be. And that has become normal for us. Not for once have we questioned it. And that is where Thappad forces you to go back and introspect. Sinha, through the story of Amrita, actually exposes the story of almost every household. Vikram isnt evil. He is just like you and I , an entitled Indian Male.

The other interesting aspect of Thappad is the performances of each of its cast and the brilliant direction. Be it Kumud Mishra , as the supportive father or Pavel Gulati as the husband or Tanvi Azmi as mother in law and Ratna Pathak Shah as the mother , each one of them have played their part to perfection. Taapsee Pannu, as the vulnerable yet strong Amrita has done a phenomenal job.

Thappad’s triumph lies in the fact that it affects one deeply. It beautifully explores how we normalize patriarchy and exposes a myopic mindset. I will go out with 4 out of 5 for this terrific film. If you are one among us ,an entitled Indian Man, then do yourself a favour ,go and watch Thappad. And then go back ,look into the mirror and introspect. If the realisation comes ,which I m sure will, if you have your heart in the right place ,then go ,say sorry and if necessary reboot that life and all that you have learnt by watching the men around while growing up.

ChhiChhore : Live the Moment !

What an endearing sight it was to wake up and see the Prime Minister of the country consoling and giving courage to the ISRO chairman after the chairman broke down following the failure to communicate with Chandrayan -2’s Vikram Lander. But in a country paranoid with success , where winner takes it all and no one remembers the runners up , this unfortunately is an aberration and not the norm.  And hence student suicide is an epidemic that claims one life, every hour , in this country. Personally , I grew up in a set up where failure was simply unacceptable and was treated as the end of the road . Yet ,in life , I have failed more often than any of my contemporaries . While I had the tenacity and resilience to fight back after every single failure with more vigour to prove myself and to not give up , often these struggles end up being long and lonely. And in vulnerable moments like these the  parents or  the partner or the friends or the family play a crucial role in explaining the inevitability of failure in life and the importance of effort . Failure is an integral part of life and every failure should be treated not as the end of the road but as the beginning of yet another exciting journey to explore one’s potential. In our quest to win we must never forget the joy of living.

Nitesh Tiwari’s Chhichhore is a film about friendship, failure, fun and nostalgia all rolled into one. Tiwari beautifully fits the story into the frame of its genre , straightaway transporting you into a nostalgic world full of unbridled optimism .  If you have ever lived in a campus , you will readily identify with Tiwari’s characters . In fact you may end up being reminded of the Anni, Derek, Acid , Sexa or Maya from your batch. Chhichhore depicts the unhinged, carefree campus life when life was a tad more than just chasing daily targets or making those ugly spread sheets .

Tiwari keeps the story simple and packs it with lots of punchlines using the campus lingo. The film opens with a water war in a premier engineering campus in Mumbai and time travels twenty years ahead when Ani and Maya’s adolescent son Raghav attempts suicide and lands up in an ICU. From there on it cuts between past and present , imparting some life lessons ,packed with some fine punchlines and whacky humour . The enduring friendship that one makes during college life is portrayed beautifully . The actors are brilliant while playing their youthful characters.

However what pulls down Chhichhore is some really sloppy make up and Shraddha Kapoor. Even the constant shift between a glorious past and a gloomy present looks a bit contrived . However these misfires seems forgivable thanks to Tiwari’s earnest attempt at story telling.

Chhichhore is not about winning . It is about the attempt to win and in the process  living those moments and making lasting memories . Life is never about winning and losing , its all about living . So once in a while step aside , put that feet away from the accelerator , give expectations a break and take a moment to live and yes don’t burden others with your expectation . Let them live too. They will figure a way out ! And yes there is no shame in losing as long as one has given his best and had enjoyed the process.

I will go out with 3 out of 5 for this bunch of losers , who may have lost a match but ended up winning million hearts !

Article 15 : We the People Of India ...

#Article15 : Article15 starts with Bob Dylan’s music from “ Blowing In the Wind” playing in the background - “ How many times can a man turn his head And pretend that he doesn’t see” and explodes in your face asking questions that are uncomfortable , that exposes a deep rooted caste system in this country that you & I have been mute witness to or shall I say have been party to and brings forth the disturbing consequences of a system that promotes “ US vs Them” and muffles every voice that asks a question . Will there be an end to this divisive, parochial system ? Will there be an end to the killings? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. Things will probably change when You & I will stop waiting for a Hero and act like one.

Bansky had once said “ Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable” and in that sense Article 15 is a terrific film ,right  in the league of Govind Nihalin’s classic Aakrosh . Guara’s eye reflect the same anguish , anger and helplessness that Lahanya Bhiku’s eyes expressed . And in almost four decades nothing much has changed . Based on the Badaun Gang Rape and murder case , where two teenage girls had been raped and hanged on a tree  to teach a lesson to lower caste , to show them their “Aukat” . Named after the provision in the Indian Constitution that prohibits "discrimination on grounds of religion, race, caste, sex or place of birth" Article15 is a disturbing film about the realities of India , about the procedural mockery, about how caste divides have been created in the name of maintaining imaginary balance  and the way constitutional rights have been subverted . It brings out the helplessness the angst of the underprivileged . It reflects how those who are supposed to protect have become the perpetrators . It shows how people are killed because they asked a Rs 3 hike in their wages.

Shot in monochromatic frames Article 15 is atmospheric spans out like a thriller. There is a conscious effort to disturb the audience with the close up shots of the corpses and the cleaning of the sewage . The actors are terrific . Ayushman Khurana gets to play the role of a lifetime and he excels in bringing out the vulnerability as well as the steely resolve of a young IPS who had been exposed to a world so far away from the India he knew and took pride in. Kumud Mishra, Sayani Gupta,Manoj Pahwa and Mohd Zeeshan Ayyub have been phenomenal.

Article 15 isnt just a film .It is a bold statement reflecting the murky realities of India  , that gets frequently pushed to page 7 while you & I relish the glitz and glamour of Page 3. It is about our constitution , about the dignity of life . Will you & I wait for a Hero and let things happen or try to be one and lead the transformation is a choice we have to make . And as Zeeshan Ayyub’s Nishad puts it the price of trying to change the balance is going to be high . But then You & I wont be the last one fighting the battle !

I will go out with 4.5 out of 5 for a film that brings out the grim, inconvenient realities of our society . Not sure “How Many years Can some people Exist, before they are allowed to be free ?”

Kalank : The film stands by its Name !

#Kalank :  Kalank has got everything right , actors coming back from retirement - actors who should retire after this - a set that will make even Sanjay Leela Bhansali strive harder – a mindless song every ten minutes – a marketing maverick as a producer -a hamming Aditya Roy Kapoor continuing from where he left in Fitoor -Sonakshi Sinha back with her Lootera looks -Varun Dhawan oscillating between his characters from Tu Mera Hero and Badlapur – it even has got the three K’s -Kunal “ Who” Khemu, Kiara and  Kriti , except the two important things – a story that is believable and a director who knows how to tell a story and the one who believes in basic human intelligence .  It’s a surprise that none of the balm manufactures used this film to promote their product through surrogate advertising . Because the first thing you will reach out to after the 170 minute onslaught is a tube of pain relieving balm.

Kalank is a film about revenge , love , partition , betrayal , life of courtesans and may be even gondola ride ! The film covers the distance from rivers to snow capped mountains in seconds . It takes reference from many films from Pakeezah to DDLJ to Devdas to  Trishul to Bahubali to Gadar . Somewhere in between the director forgets which story he wanted to tell. The lady who introduced Roop ( Alia) to the courtesan Bahaar Begum ( Madhuri) in act I forgets Bahaar Begum by Act II when she had come to meet Roop . Zafar ( Varun) whose only motif was to take revenge against Balraj Chaudhury ( Sanjay Dutt) for being abandoned as a child , doesn’t even recognize Balraj’s legitimate son Dev ( Aditya Roy Kapoor) , in spite of staying in the same city and wooing Dev’s wife Roop ( Alia) . Take that for consistency or shall I say marijuana induced film making .

It takes some special skills to make Alia Bhat act this bad in a film or to take your eyes off when Madhuri Dixit is dancing . But director Abhishek Varman even manages to do that . That brings us to the moot point that how some one invests 80 crores in a film like this , how some of the talented actors even sign such a  film . May be Kalank is a story of hope , the hope that one day some of us will have a producer to fund our stories . The hope the one fine day Aditya Roy Kapoor too will learn to act . The hope that some day Hindi Cinema will break the shackles and if not world cinema at least will compete with regional cinema in terms of quality . The hope that some day we will have audience who will call out the bluff .

Yes Kalank , no doubt is a visually stunning film . But as one of the character asks in the film “ kya baas accha hona kafi hota hai kisike sath puri zindegi bitane keliye “ I will also ask “ is only a beautiful set and designer costume enough to invest three god damn hours” and if beautiful costume is what matters to the audience then they should rather watch a fashion show . I will go out with a very generous 0.5 out of 5 for this film , that shouldn’t have been made in the first place . In terms of the art of film making , Kalank , the film, stands by its name !

Uri : The Surgical Strike

Uri : The Surgical Strike  : A surgical strike demands  tactical  planning , absolute, no non sense coordination between  the govt , IB ,RAW & armed forces leadership , surgical precision in identifying assets , a contingency plan and most importantly the element of surprise ,the unflinching valour and tactical acumen of the leader , his assault team and their flawless execution. A surgical strike across LOC, if not executed to perfection ,can have huge human casualty and lots of international ramification.  And hence it provides a thrilling premise for a film , especially when it is based on a recent , real incident , a retaliatory counter attack, often hailed as one of India’s finest counter attacking responses across LOC , to avenge the attack on the Uri brigade HQ where we lost nineteen  soldiers . However, for debutant writer, director Aditya Dhar this scintillating premise was not enough. Hence the film has been garnished with generous doses of factual errors, emotional premises and amateur handling of war room preparation.

Taking a leaf from “ Zero Dark Thirty” and Tarantino school of film making , director Dhar splits his film into four chapters . The first chapter sets the context focusing  on Indian Army’s success in conducting surgical strike across Myanmar in 2015 to avenge the ambush in Manipur where 18 soldiers from Dogra regiment were killed by terrorists . However from chapter two onwards Dhar lets his figments of imagination take charge rather than actual facts . The inconsistencies are glaring and its a pity since as a film Uri needed none of these . The preparation and the war room moments themselves for a strike of such magnitude , if depicted well ,can be exhilarating and gritty . Dhar, in his attempt to make a  main stream masala money spinner  loses out on objective film making and ends up making a film that manipulates emotions and facts . There was no focus what so ever on the armed forces groundwork for the strike. The discussions and the war room preparation in PMO and South Block looked down right stupid . Paresh Rawal who portrays the role of NSA Ajit Doval looks lost and inconsistent throughout the film . His drooping body language doesn’t inspire any confidence. May be he just was an accidental choice for the film.  And take this for a fact check – the NSA walks to the DRDO head office and finds an intern who has made a drone prototype that looks like a bird. He immediately summons the intern and asks him to join the core team that’s monitoring the operation.  The extended  hand combats during the strike also defy logic and probably shot to give a sense of macho-ism . In any strike of such type and magnitude, the de induction process (return) becomes most critical as by the that time enemy is alerted and the Ghatak teams have to think on their feet to survive the onslaught and return through treacherous paths .  And while filming this Dhar has completely played to gallery at the cost of showing the real trouble that the strike team would have undertaken.

Inspite  of several glitches, Uri : The surgical Strike  will keep you engaged , especially if you watch it as a fictional account . Vicky Kaushal gives a solid bulked up performance and the cinematography is good. The action sequences have been shot well . And yes you also get to see a character looking exactly like Manohar Pariker playing the role of the defense minister . May be that’s the closest that Aditya Dhar came while depicting a story based on “True Incidents” .

I will go out with 2.5 out of 5 for this half baked strike . All they lacked was surgical precision while telling us the story of a surgical strike . May be someone, few years down the line will make a more factual film on one of the most glorious chapters of Armed forces history . A chapter where they haven’t got as much credit as their political masters . May be that wont be an election year. May be by then Bollywood will realise “Naya Hindustan” has “ Zero” tolerance for “Farzi” film making . Till then let’s enjoy the pot boiler and salute the bravery of those Para SF commandos .

Thugs Of Hindostan : Thug Life !

#ThugsofHindostan : Generally as a film maker the first thing that you need is an idea . Then you develop the idea into a screen play , build characters , provide an arc around key characters etc. But for Thugs of Hindostan director Vijay Krishna Acharya and Producer Aditya Chopra / YRF probably first decided the budget , star cast , release date and substandard VFX. Hence the script is non existent, the characters are irritating and at 170 odd minutes the film is intolerable . How often you get to see Bachchan and Aamir Khan share the screen and yet instead of soaking in the moment you are forced to go on a yawn fest.

Yet to its credit, the amateur screenplay of Thugs of Hindostan has almost nine twists , seven of them atrociously predictable and two utterly nonsensical ! There is no effort what so ever to build the characters or motive or to bring some sense of semblance into the screen play . Amitabh Bachchan as Khudabaksha, borrows his expression from his earlier film “Ekalavya” and his costume from “ Shehenshah” . He struts and frets his hours in front the camera before realising the pointlessness of it . Aamir Khan as Firangi borrows his looks from Mangal Pandey and  tries his best to take his character of Munna from Rangeela a step ahead. But without any meat in the character or any witty dialogue to support fails miserably.  Faitma Sana Sheikh , who was brilliant in Dangal gets to speak her first line after seventy minutes into the movie and you immediately realize she was just a touch better as a cardboard without the lines . Katrina has two songs , one joke and three slapping scenes in the film. And she is the only one who doesn’t disappoint in the film. Because after fifteen long years since her debut in Boom you really don’t expect anything from her except pelvic thrust or do you ? Trust me ,they could have replaced any of those characters with the ships or the eagle and it would not have made an iota of difference. Even the much hyped  VFX work is sloppy .

So that brings us to the most important question – Why did Bachchan and Khan ( who waited eternally for a right script to come together on screen ) sign the film . Were they also “thugged” or are willing accomplice to this thugging  spree . I walked into Thugs of Hindostan with least expectation assuming it to be a poor remake of “ Pirates of Caribbean” , when I walked out I wished it were . At least that would have spared me of the boredom . It is a disaster of epic magnitude. Even Mahenjo Daro looks epic in comparison. I will go out with 0.5 out of 5 for this sloppy slog fest . Beware of Thugs , stay cautious with your hard earned money and stay away , far far away .

For a change Salman Khan and Race 3 have a tough competition this year !